PACKING UP AND MOVING OUT

YUP, YOU READ IT RIGHT: WE'RE MOVING! WELL, I'M MOVING SINCE THERE IS NO 'WE', TECHNICALLY. ANYWAY, FROM NOW ON OUR NEW LOCATION FOR ALL THINGS LIST WILL BE (NEW LIST UP AS OF 8-1! CHECK IT OUT!) RIGHT HERE.
I HOPE YOU'LL FOLLOW ME TO MY NEW LOCATION TO A MUCH, MUCH BETTER WORLD WHERE IT'LL BE EASIER ON THE EYES, AND LESS IRRITATING TO EVERY OTHER SENSE. SEE YA THERE!

Stew

CLICK HERE FOR ALL THE FINEST IN NEW LIT CONTENT!

CLICK HERE FOR ALL THE FINEST IN NEW LIT CONTENT!
That's right, just click the pic and you'll be whisked away to a better world...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Top Ten Cartoon Rabbits Of All Time!

***The Following List Was Written (in part) By My 2-Year Old Daughter, Addison***
Hey, look! Cute-y woot-y little bunny rabbits! They're soooooooo precious! Who wants to snuggle-wuggle with those fluffy little bunnies? Oh I do, I do! Oh it's so soft and cuddly I could squeal like a little girl! And here are the top ten most lovable little cartoon bunnies of all time. GLEE!
10. The Velveteen Rabbit
Oh these sweet little books were so cute and fun! I love this little bunny! I want to hug him!
9. Peter Cottontail
Daddy, is Easter coming tomorrow? I want to see the Peter Easter Bunny! Then... then... I want to give him a big hug!
8. Fiver (Watership Down)
Ok, This one is by me... I don't feel right or morally responsible enough to show any of my kids this movie, as wonderful as it was. This was some seriously messed-up rabbit killing mayhem, right here.
7. The March Hare
Addison: "Oh this bunny has a hat on!"
Me: "No, honey. You're thinking of the Mad Hatter. Mad HATTER."
Addison: "No! He has a hat on, see!"
Me: *sigh* "Whatever." (There is no point in arguing with a 2-year old)
6. The Nestle's Quik Bunny
Hey! We have this drink in our shelves! I had it when we were done playing in the snow! This bunny made our milk!
5. Thumper
When I watch-did Bambi this was Bambi's friend! He was funny when he laughed a lot about the stunk that was a flower! He was cute and I was going to keep him, but he was in our TV.
4. Brer Rabbit I like that picture of that bunny! He talked-did funny and was a friends with Uncle Be-Bus! Daddy says it was 'Remus', but Daddy is s poo-poo head! Ha ha ha!
3. Roger Rabbit
Ok, I'm doing this one, too. Mostly because none of my kids have nay clue who this is, so, I have no choice but to write this one. Anyway, is your wife a smokin' hot red-head with giant cans? Yeah, as rabbits go, Roger got incredibly lucky.
2. The Trix Rabbit
The cereal has fruits inside of it! I like it because the bunny that's on his box made those fruits that are inside his box of cereal. And... and... and, I want to give him a kiss.
1. Bugs Bunny
Me: "Hey, baby, you like these cartoons when Daddy plays them, don't you?"
Addison: "What did you say?"
Me: "I said you like Bugs Bunny cartoons, right?"
Addison: "Whats a Burgundy Baboon?"
Me: *sigh*
***Bonus Bunny***
The White Rabbit
Daddy! that's not the white clock bunny from Alice! This one looks stupid! I'm going away now!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Ten of the Best Animated Mascots of All Time

Though not as prevalent as they once were, animated mascots are often times more memorable than the products themselves! Oh sure, we've all eaten M&M's -I like the peanut ones best- but how many times have you glanced at a handful of that melt-in-your-mouth goodness and pictured the little talking guys on the commercial? Or, would a certain fabric softener be as pronounced without its fluffy white teddy bear? I submit that it would not. Anyway, here are ten of the most famous animated product mascots of all time.
10. Dominoes Pizza Noid
'Avoid the Noid!' Exclaimed the Dominoes Pizza ad of years ago. Yep, the asinine, red-eared freak exploded sales for the '30-minutes or it's free' pizza place and managed to mumble his way into pop-culture history. Everything from video games to Simpsons references, the damn Noid still creeps back into the vernacular from time to time.
9. Erin (eSurance)
So nice she's on here twice (MMMmmmm...)
How nauseatingly hot is Erin from eSurance? Sweet Mary Pickford, just Googling her name brought up results of some very clever (see: nasty) results of Miss Surance in some rather, *ahem* uncomfortable positions. Apparently people are secretly in love with her and/or are fucking psychotic.
8. California Raisins
Remember the California Raisins Christmas Special? Man, that was an awesome show. They used to run it every year with the Garfield one, and the one thing that really sticks with me (aside from the obvious fact that all of the raisins looked exactly like purple turd wads) was their rendition or 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'. So soulful, so jazzy.... so raisin-y.
7. 7*Up Spot
The Spot. That completely insane animated red dot that, by the magic of television, leapt from the 7*Up can and crazily flung himself about like a rabid badger. Then, for some rather inane reason, climbed back aboard the can, and suddenly lost all of his available limbs. Ah, ads... sometimes you just plain confuse me. Oh, and just in case it wasn't obvious by the packaging above, this snazzy lad had a video game, much like nearly all of the rest of them. Say, that looks fun!
6. Snuggle Bear
"I've come for your SOUL!"
There was something inherently sinister about the fucking bear. I don't know if it was his saccharine sweetness smothering everything like a fine patina of caramel that hid, somewhere beneath, a hell-spawn just begging for release, or perhaps it was his child-like and innocent voice that rent through my skull like a flaming dagger. Either way, this bear was evil, evil, EVIL and I, for one, could not be gladder of his extinction.
5. Geico Gecko
" 'Ello, then! Buy som'fin, love?"
See, now this cat is cool. I just can't help but dig his Cockney accent hocking me car insurance. I really could pretty much listen to this little lizard sell me a sack of flaming shit, and you know... I might just buy it.
4. Mr. Clean
Oh, Mr. Clean you sexy bald bastard... even Chad Sexington, the Burly man, has nothing on your svelte ass! You, sir, can drag your earringed head into my kitchen anytime and scrub the shit out of my nasty floors! Oh, baby! I could watch your taught genie-butt wiggle those stubborn grease spots of my stove any damn day of the week! Oh, wait, where was I...
3. M&M's
I would, without a moment's hesitation, eat these little fuckers. Yep, just snap a big old bite out of 'em. Not gonna melt in my hands, now, are ya... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
2. Chester Cheetah
Nothing screams processed-cheese puffs like a damn Big Cat. I tell ya, that's the very first thing I though of while watching Charlie the Lonesome Cougar and The Lion King: bring on the fuckin' cheese puffs, man! Yeah, sure, Chester was the sly, too-cool-for-school, wise-assed cat that just begged to advertise for the cheesy snack, but all things being fare, he deserved to get beaten down.
1. The Cereals
"They're Grrr *HACK* stuck in my throat!"
"Better move your car, I'm about to make Fruit Loops!"
"I'm captain of the S.S. unemployed...*SOB*"
I have to be honest here: had half these cereals not been overtly commercialized by these ridiculous mascots, I'd have seriously reconsidered eating them. Most, in fact, taste like honey-coated potpourri and I'm just not too big a fan of Rice Krispies as a whole, anyway. I'll happily eat Fruity Pebbles, Cocoa Puffs, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but only because a couple of cartoons told me to. I'm a push over like that, you see.

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About Me

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Portage, Michigan, United States
This Blog thing I enjoy has literally made me a name it at least Azerbaijan and in some locations deep in the Congo... so that's cool. Besides infrequently putting forth minimal effort doing a blog, I also try a fair bit harder to make people laugh in their cereal over at GUNAXIN.COM, which is where I actually get paid to make up stupid stuff and use foul language. Anyway... why are you still reading this? Oh, and while you're here, you might as well go check out my DeviatArt page, too! http://stewwriter.deviantart.com/