Boy oh boy was 2007 chock full of celebrity meltdowns and mishaps. It is almost impossible to whittle the list down to just ten, so I went ahead and did it anyway. Ok, I will admit that this collection could have easily sprouted into twenty or more, including such gems as The Hoff, or Perez Hilton... but I wanted the worst of the WORST. So, here they are, in no particular order except, obviously, for number one. Enjoy!
10. President George Bush
Our wonderful president who couldn't safely govern himself out of a wet paper bag most deservedly takes the ten-spot on this list. From his constant haggling with the opposing House and Senate members over their vehement denials for the ever-hemorrhaging war fund, to his lame attempts to garner likability from everyone from angered China-toy purchasing parents to the still sodden and highly irritated natural disaster victims, Bush has done everything shy of consuming his own shoes. Thank god his reign of pointlessness is over very soon.
Well it is a damn good thing the US imported Beckham to our side of the soccer fence because that sport has taken off over here like gang busters. That was sarcasm. He has done well to prove his worth of the umpteen millions of dollars he's being paid to more or less stand next to his sack-of-antlers wife and look good. And speaking of which, Victoria looks surprisingly like a British version of a living Barbie doll with her phony curves and mathmatically-perfect spherical breasts. Oh, and at the tail end of the year she leaped feet-first back into the business fray by re-joining the cursed and un-killable Spice Girls.
8. Rosie O'Donnell
After joining The View as likely the only lesbian voice on that show full of caterwauling hens, Rosie proceeded to run her appearances into the ground nearly with the rest of the show by literally beating on the littlest kid on the playground: Elizabeth. Poor Liz could barely get an opinion in edge-wise as Rosie, ever the gaping-mawed beast, chewed apart every attempt to argue her off. Thank goodness Barbara Walters had the smarts to shit-can that train wreck after Rosie's short tenure.
7. Lindsay Lohan
From one failed rehab attempt to the next, Lindsay continued to prove what a complete waste of talent she has unfortunately become. What next, star in a nearly-Torture Porn flick about a one-legged stripper and her creepy twin sister? Oh, wait, she did that too. I Know Who Killed Me tanked quicker than a bowling ball on a Letterman Will It Float sketch... and speaking of talk show appearances, her turn on Conan was laughable at best.
6. Criss Angel
As a magician, he's fair albeit unnecessarily 'in-your-face', but as a public figure on such shows as that Magic Battle nonsense from this past late Fall, Criss Angel is almost painfully idiotic and insipid. His constant arguing and bickering with not only the weaker (yet still decent) magicians on stage, but also Uri Gellar and others easily gives him a place on our list. And he may as well win the coveted Full Of Himself Award as well.
5. Zack Efron
As the male lead of the far-too popular High School Musical, Zack has captured the ooh's and ahh's of the female fan-base like an 80's Tiger Beat cover model. He really doesn't do anything besides sing and sway as though he were in some real sing-songy school play version of his own life. I can't see his career taking off far beyond several sequels to this temporary popularity contest.
4. Paris Hilton
Her much-publicized jail stint did nothing to help her 'career', that's for sure. It did, however, skyrocket her to the top of the list of Chicks Who Ruin Their Careers By Doing Stupid Shit. And, as it turns out, her rich grandfather (claim to the Hilton Hotel goldmine) has decided not to give his disaster of a granddaughter any of the family's funds. Ha, loser.
3. Drew Carey
What do you do when you take over arguably the greatest game show of all time from undeniably the best host in history? Well, what you don't do is turn it into a stand-up routine where you stumble through your lines, ad-lib every inch of your stage presence, and break the one cardinal rule of emceeing: feel bad for the losing contestants. This is The Price Is Right, for crying out loud, the upper echelon of game shows, not a scene from your cancelled sit-com. I have some respect for the guy, though. He's pretty likable on The Power Of Ten. Nice career shift, dipshit.
2. O. J. Simpson
What better way to maintain your innocence than by having your gang of memorabilia-thugs threaten to beat the crap out of some poor shlub who just so happens to own some of your past greatness. Didn't you have to sell off all of your crap to pay off your debts to a family you supposedly didn't murder in cold blood, anyway? Most smart people who spend all of their free time, 'searching for the real killer' know how to keep a low profile, but not you, sir. You have done well to do the exact opposite of that. Well done.
1. Britney Spears
Good Lord, where to even begin. Well, who would have figured that the divorce of your succubus of a husband, K-Fed, would in fact be the stupidest thing you could have done. That act of idiocy led to such outstanding motherly acts as a public head-shaving and car attack, public perpetual nudity, drunken club-hopping, the bloated and beached Awards show appearance, and the ultimate loss of your children. I guess, though, in hindsight, it probably can't get any worse. Oh, what now? You want to ADOPT! Your sixteen-year old sister is PREGNANT! I stand corrected.
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