Ten More Missing and Obscure Sodas - The Third

It just never ends, does it? Just as soon as I think I'd managed to list them all -even after 20- I still somehow gather 10 more! Those lost, forgotten, and just plain unusual sodas have returned for a third part... and the producers, pending the reception to these oddities, have already green-lit a FOURTH! I try to crawl out, and it pulls me back in... Anyway, enjoy another batch of these bygone beauties!

10. LIKE COLA

Oh, do I remember Like Cola! Manufactured by the 7*Up Company and pretty much offering the same flavor comparison to a standard cola as an apple to a doorknob. No, I did not 'Like' it one bit.

9. DOUBLE COLA

I have to honestly admit that I am not familiar with Double Cola. I have heard of it, but I have not been privy to its assuredly delicious flavor. But I can say, since it is a 'cola', I can pretty much guess.

8. SINALCO

Not from around these parts, are ya'?

7. MELLO YELLOW

Mello Yellow and I go WAY back. I used to live for this stuff and I liked it SO much better than Mountain Dew quite possibly due to its crisper, more fruity body. Hee hee... I said fruity body. *AHEM* Anyway, I remember Pizza Hut used to sell this on draught, as it were, and I'm pretty sure ours here in town still does.

6. PEPSI FREE

Yes we all know the little tit for tat argument between Marty McFly and the 50's soda jerk from Back To The Future, but I have to admit I did imbibe my fair share of this classic cola. It was a bit bland, but it was always hanging around at one family member's house or another, so I enjoyed from time to time.

5. RAMBLIN' ROOT BEER

Though slightly inferior to the 'drive-in' A&W draught root beer you could get at the local hot dog stand, Ramblin' was a proud addition to my childhood. My dad used to get a ton of this stuff when we went on camping trips, so this was, ultimately, the root beer I grew up on.

4. RONDO

I have actually had this! On east-coast trips; Deleware, Maryland and the like, we used to knock back a few of these when I was a youngster. Damn good stuff, as I recall.

3. CACTUS COOLER

I went to Arizona a few years ago and I have a relatively vivid memory (though, honestly, the heat was so fucking miserable and unbearable, it's likely I just imagined it) of having one of these at a meal outing once. I HOPE it was good...

2. TAB CLEAR

Seriously?

1. STORM

Storm. I have had you once thanks in part to a co-worker having imported a few of these into Michigan from out-of-state family. I just asked and he said sure. Very 7*Up-like in its crispness, but far sweeter. Nice bit of a kick, too.

More Goofy and Ghastly Ads From the Past

Thanks in part to the success of the first installment of the creepy old ads of yesteryear, I thought why not milk a few more comments out of a few additional old adverts! Now these were gathered from all over the web from one source or another and, as far as I know, they are all public domain. However, that being said, if anyone out there lays claim to any one of these and takes particular offense to its posting herein, CRAM IT! No, I'm kidding. Just drop me a line and I will be more than happy to have you committed... I mean 'it' removed. Yes, that's what I mean. Anyway, enjoy a few more of these old commercial one-sheets and share a good laugh!

10. PEARS' SOAP AND THE KID

I struggle to understand who would have found this ad even the least bit humorous! Put down the damn paintbrush and HELP THAT FUCKING KID! Sweet Martha Stewart, I just hope that suspicious shape next to the boy's head is a sponge and not the exploded brain form a second kid's skull. *Shudder*

9. THE KLUGE

Take a long look at that thing and marvel at its modernity! It has knobs, dials, switches, cranks, buttons, plugs, and every kind of other 'electronic' gizmo you can shake a stick at! And look! Is that a map back there? Wow, you could really get a whole lot of work done doing... whatever it is this thing does with one of those! WOW!

8. EMU FIORD (Huh?) You'd be hard pressed to find another pair of more sadistic looking bitches diabolically roasting a half-dozen wieners. And hey, if you do happen to run across another equally maniacal duo grilling away their obvious anger toward the opposite, yet inferior, sex... run the fuck away!

7. CELLOPHANE or, possibly, BREAD

Despite what this add is apparently attempting -however poorly- to sell; be it bread, cellophane, jam, or the goddamn knife, it's most evident to me that that psychopathic little she-demon is mere seconds away from gnashing a fucking chunk out of that hand. Holy shit!

6. SEA MONKEYS Ah, fond and whimsical are the memories of my bright-blue 'aquarium' with the microscopic brine shrimp gaily flitting about. Such wonderful times I shared with my tiny undersea kingdom of brainless crustaceans milling about existing, temporarily, to make me smile. Bah, what a bunch of shit.

5. SELLING GRIT

Wait, FREE prizes and UP TO 6 whole Dollars a WEEK... CASH! Sign me up, brother!

4. OLD MAN THORAZINE

If this ad is even remotely real, I'll eat my pants. But you know what, I don't care. Seeing an old man lurching at me with a raised and threatening cane is just so worth the price of admission. Giving Thorazine to old folks is the answer to all of life's little nagging issues, isn't though?

3. HAM, GINA

Mom: "Look out, dear! She's got that wild, glazed look in her eye's again!"

Dad: "Hee hee... 'glazed'..."

Mom: "Oh, dear, you dipshit!"

2. Mmm... I WANNA SLICE!

I do not Parlez Vous Francais, and I don't care... this poster could be telling my to get an oil change on my houseboat and it wouldn't change the fact that there's a FUCKING PIG GORING A FUCKING SLICE OF HIMSELF! I will never -as I'm gnawing on it like a starved wolverine- look at pork the same way again.

1. FLAKES

Infectious Dandruff? Seriously? I had no idea DRY SCALP was catchy and, apparently, the next big pandemic! Man, I'd better get on top of some Selson Blue pretty fucking quick!

The Top Ten Best Cuts Of Meat

Ah, meat. Who doesn't enjoy a nice, thick-cut slab of some four-legged farm animal adorned with as few accouterments as possible slowly trickling its juiciness all down your eagerly, yet slowly, chewing jaws? Goodness, that description alone makes me want to jump out of my chair and grill up a hunk of cow! Okay, I'll concede that this subject likely doesn't hold much interest for our vegetarian friends, and for that, I just ask that you nod and smile. Now, having been in the restaurant biz a good long time, I can honestly and professionally tell you that I have not only eaten them, but also cooked each and every one. Some are, of course, tougher to prepare than others, but each is very much worth the effort and each tastes far different from the next. So, whether you are just looking at the pictures or looking and drooling over them, enjoy 10 of the best cuts of 3 different meats.

10. RACK OF LAMB

From Wikipedia: 'Crowned rack of lamb is a dish that originates in 15th Century England. It consist mainly of two shank cuts of lamb with the rib points covered with paper truffles. It is usually garnished with some small vegetables, such as a dressing of lettuce and a few sprigs of parsley. Crowned rack of lamb is usually served during special occasions such as a wedding or holiday celebration.' Well, sometimes. The picture illustrates not a full-crown, but a sliced set of the rack. I, personally, would inhale that pic!

9. BACON

Bacon is defined as any of certain cuts of meat taken from the sides, belly or back of a pig that may be cured and/or smoked. Yep, vague. And that's what makes it so diverse; from Canadian Back to Thick-Cut Peppered, bacon is so good it ought to be illegal.

8. NEW YORK STRIP

From Wikipedia: "The strip steak (also known as striploin, shell steak, Delmonico, New York or Kansas strip steak) is one of the highest quality beef steaks on the market. In British Commonwealth Countries, this is called "Porterhouse", which has a different meaning in American English. Cut from the strip loin, the strip steak consists of a muscle that does little work, and so it is particularly tender. Unlike the nearby fillet mignon, the strip loin is a sizable muscle, allowing it to be cut into the larger portions favored by many steak eaters." New York, over the years, has really fluctuated in price, but it generally hangs out around $12-$25.

7. PORK TENDERLOIN Much akin to Beef Tenderloin, the Pork version is obviously boneless and, regretfully, prone to drying out when cooked as a whole. Stuffing, infusing, or otherwise filling with flavor helps, as does an over night brine. Or, if you want to avoid all of that, just thick-slice it, grill it, and NUMNUMNUMNUM!

6. PORK CHOP

From Wikipedia: "The center cut or pork loin chop includes a large 'T' shaped bone, and is structurally similar to the beef T-bone steak. Rib chops come from the rib portion of the loin, and are similar to rib-eye steaks. Blade or shoulder chops are cut from the shoulder end of the loin, and tend to contain large amounts of connective tissue. The sirloin chop is taken from the (rear) leg end and also contains a large amount of connective tissue." Also, may I recommend stuffing those bad boys full of your favorite flavors? I may? Good.

5. PORTERHOUSE

From Wikipedia: "The T-bone and Porterhouse are cuts of beef. They consist of a T-shaped bone with meat on each side. The larger side contains meat from the strip loin, whereas the smaller side contains the tenderloin. T-bone steaks from the rear end of the tenderloin contain a much larger section of the tenderloin, and are called porterhouse steaks." So, as you can rightly imagine -and just in case you've never had- due to the fact that these steaks consist of two of the most 'prime' cuts of beef, this is quite expensive. Really quite, in fact.

4. PROSCIUTTO

Prosciutto is the Italian word for ham. In English the word is almost always used only for dry-cured ham which has not been cooked, in particular from central and northern Italy such as Prosciutto di Parma and Prosciutto di San Danielle. Prosciutto is excellent for enhancing the flavors of other foods or meat due to its high salt content. Wrap a few strips around melon, pineapple, or cheese for an awesome snack or, tie a few on other cuts of meat for grilling or baking for a whole different taste.

3. PRIME RIB

From Wikipedia: "A standing rib roast is a cut of beef from the rib section, which is one of the eight primal cuts of beef. The entire rib section comprises ribs 6 through 12 of the animal; a standing rib roast can comprise anywhere from 2 to 7 ribs. A colloquial and popular term for this cut is "prime rib". Historically, this name stands out regardless of the grade." Prime Rib is a very popular 'house' cut for many established restaurants and can often be found 'on sale' during brunches, Sunday dinners, or parties. Otherwise, it's pretty 'expensive'.

2. BABY-BACK RIBS

Baby back ribs, sometimes called loin ribs or simply back ribs, are taken from the top of the rib cage between the spine and the spareribs, below the loin muscle. They have meat between the bones and are shorter, but meatier, than spareribs. The hotly argued topic of 'dry-rub' versus 'sauce rub' has been waging for years. Of course, the choice is yours but, please do grill your ribs or, if you have no such receptacle, bake it slow and low and char under the broiler. Basically an upside down grill, you know.

1. FILET MIGNON (CENTER-CUT BEEF TENDERLOIN)

The fillet (meat from the tenderloin near the cow's spine) is considered to be the most tender cut of beef, and one of the most expensive. The average steer or heifer provides no more than 4-6 pounds of filet. Because the muscle is non-weight bearing, it receives very little exercise, which makes it tender. And that, friends, is literally like eating a piece of moist cake. Seriously. You will never, EVER look at meat the same way again after eating a well-made Filet, I promise you. Bacon wrapped, peppered... no matter, it is the GOD of all things steak.