THE TOP 10 BEST BOOBS YOU CAN'T STOP STARING AT

So with the eminent approach of Memorial Day Weekend mere hours away, I figured I'd set off on my 4-Day break from the lists with a little 'Thank You' of sorts. I have officially hit 195 lists as of this writing and nearly 48,000 viewers. Sure, not a huge number compared to so many of those sites out there pushing the envelope daily with their amazing content, but still not much to scoff at. And, as I've stated numerous times before, I have you all to thank. Without you folks looking at my paltry little speck in the internet cosmos, I'd have no real reason to continue doing it. So, as my special gift, mostly for the male viewers and readers, I offer up some nice pics to waste a few minutes gawking at. Enjoy and as I push on to 200 lists, I have a few surprises up my sleeve for the next five entries. Thanks again!

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10) DIORA BAIRD

My goodness. Ever since her momentary flash (ha ha) in the comedy masterpiece, The Wedding Crashers, Diora has had no good reason NOT to show off her magnificent cans. In fact, when it comes to owning a pair of these chest mounds, why on Earth would you need to do anything else! I'm relatively certain she couldn't act her way out of a wet cardboard box, but, I honestly couldn't care less!

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9) TYRA BANKS

Yeah, yeah, she's colossally annoying and is, apparently, on each and every Style-type TV show where she touts the benefits of being yourself and not worrying if you're a few pounds overweight and blah blah... all that matters is that she has a super keen rack. And, for this list's purpose, is just Jim Dandy with me.

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8) GIADA DELAURENTIIS

Pick out her flaws and mis-sized cranial regions all you want. Hell, call her 'Chomper' for all the shits I give, I'm not even convinced she has a head! Giada has her own show on Food TV and, if anyone of you tune in to just see her cook, you are as queer as purple tutu-ed unicorn. Obviously wardrobed by men, and horny men at that, Giada does noting shy of letting her beautiful chest-bags flop out of her plunging neck-lined blouses. One of these days, along with toasting some fine bruscetta, she's gonna burn her tits, and you know it!

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7) JENNIFER CONNOLLY

Remember that flick, Career Opportunities? Yeah, it was a little stupid but, conversely, it featured the breast-ly stylings of one Jennifer Connolly. Yeah, now you remember that one scene where she was riding that mechanical pony and she was all jiggles and wiggles? Oh yeah, now you remember! Well, since then she's become slightly more respectable and does the more dramatic fare like The House of Sand and Fog and Mulholland Falls (both films include her chest twins, so that's cool), and has gotten significantly hotter. Yeah, just breathe 'em in, fellas!

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6) CARLA GUGINO

Check this out: Carla Gugino's body of work is amazing! Ha! It's funny because it's true! Just look at that image up there from Sin City! Man alive that's just perfection in a thong! I can't even get over that she was the mom in the Spy Kids flicks along side Antonio Banderas! How he didn't tag that like it was on sale in every scene is beyond me... sorry, I was miles away.

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5) MEGAN FOX

The name says it all: Megan, or, wait... Fox. That's it. Anyway, considering she was in Transformers primarily for eye candy and not much else, at least Michael Bay was thinking with his dick. And for that, we can all be thankful. The newest pictures of her to hit the internet airwaves are topless and are very nice. But, somehow, I just like this one better.

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4) JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT

It's too bad that of late, Hewitt's lower half has bee scrutinized for being a bit cottage-cheesy and no one has seen fit to travel a bit up the body to puppy town! What the Hell is wrong with you people? She has astounding mounds of shirt dough and you all have to harp on her saggy ass. For shame! Also, I have never made it through an entire episode of Ghost Whisperer and not because the show is lame (it is) I'm just done in about ten minutes. Get it? Yeah, I'm gross.

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3) JAIME PRESSLY

No denying that My Name is Earl is a funny as show. Jason Lee and Ethan Suplee are comedic geniuses for sure, but let's face facts here: Joy makes my pants to funny things. Jaime Pressly is just ridiculously hot and literally makes me feel ashamed to look at the TV for fear I might start giggling like a school boy on his first crush. When, in reality, I'm a grown man happily married who is looking at boobs. I need to be punished.

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2) SALMA HAYEK

Um... Oh boy. I am, quite literally, at a loss for words. Just move on the the next one while I take deep breaths and gather myself here.

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1) SCARLET JOHANSSON

Well, there ya have it: Perhaps the most breath taking set of jugs currently in the Hollywood Circuit. As of yet, though, she hasn't released them to the general public, but, scuttlebutt has it that's gonna happen sooner than later. Scarlet is, for all intents and purposes, the most completely gorgeous woman around: stunningly built from stem to stern and still just a young kitten. Trust me, the time will come when she'll have no recourse but to open up. And we'll all say 'AHHHHH'. Yes sir.

THE TOP 11 UN-CEREAL BREAKFAST FOODS

I'm a sucker for a good breakfast. I don't even care if it's cereal, jam and toast, or a grapefruit smothered in bacon, it just doesn't matter. Now, I suppose if I had to pick, I'd have to say I'd probably pick good old fashioned cereal over anything else, and those of you familiar with this blog can plainly see that judging by all of the cereal-related lists I've done. Anyway, I was sitting here racking my brain when it suddenly hit me like a John Candy-sized Johnny Cake: why not do a list of the top ten non-cereal breakfast foods? Cool! Then I found an eleventh. So, here it is, the TOP 11 UN-CEREAL BREAKFAST FOODS. Pull up a chair and dig in.

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11) DONUTS

What screams 'Office Breakfast' like a big ol' dozen of donuts? Nothing, that's what. Around here you pretty much have two decent choices for your pastry convenience and they are: Sweetwater's Donut Mill and, of course, Krispy Kream. If you're going for the more illustrious, gigantic, bigger-than-your-damn head donut, you can't go wrong with Sweetwater's, but if you're just going for typical yet unbelievably satisfying, it's gotta be the Kream. Anyway, for the most part, no matter how you top it, glaze it, or fill it, a donut's a donut. That being said, I'll take a Bear claw... INSTANTLY!

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10) COLD PIZZA

Now THERE'S how you make Pizza Hut more palatable!

I went to college, I was a swinging bachelor, I know what it's like to subsist off of Ramen Noodles, beer, cigarettes, Mac and Cheese, and Peanut Butter. But when you were able to order the occasional pizza, you milked that shit like free money. I would get the biggest and most pizza I could for my buck and eat the leftovers for every meal thereafter until I either ate it all, box-cheese and all, or had to throw it out for fear of fungal take-over. Nothing goes better with a morning smoke and a tasty Bloody Mary like a slice of cold pizza. Oh yeah.

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8) TOAST

Got bread? Possibly a heat source up to and including a radiator, a candle, or crack-pipe lighter? You, sir, can have some toast. Toppings are limitless, as you can see by the most delicious picture above (trust me: not so much after 5 hot dogs... ugh) and, if you were really smart and/or destitute, you can always rely on Peanut Butter which is damn fine on any toasted bread. Or, let's say you have a Bagel, toast that sum bitch up and slather on some cream cheese! Noe that's fine eatin'! Toast: it's what's for breakfast.

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7) EGGS (SCRAMBLED, POACHED, FRIED, OMELETS... IT'S ALL EGGS)

Something as simple as a fritata to the epitome of egg-dom, the souffle, eggs are always, to coin a phrase, incredibly eatable. However, I think I might be ovo-intolerant since I can really only eat a few eggs every so often. It's a lot like eating too much processed meat: I get bloated, logey, and kinda blah. So, either way, I only eat eggs once a week. Now, for some reason, I can go nuts with salted hard-boiled eggs. I don't get it either, but they just don't bother me the same way as nearly every other cooking method... where was I? Oh right, eggs are groovy.

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7) GRITS

I may not be Southern, but I love me some grits. If I'm going out to breakfast, I'm looking to see if they have grits, and if they don't, I pitching a bitch. Grits are fantastic smothered and slathered in butter and salt and all that arterial-ruining goodness. Or, conversely, take a good spoonful or so of sausage gravy and ladle it on and, oh Lord, I'm getting hungry. Or I have gas.

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6) COCO WHEATS

Now I have no Earthly idea who this kid is, but there's little denying that he is thoroughly disgusted with his apparent first taste of Coco Wheats. Yeah, they take a little getting used to and are, for some, an acquired taste. I happen to like them quite a bit and compare them quite literally to chocolate Cream of Wheat with a bit more grout-like consistency and they could, in an emergency, Spackle a tub when coddled after a bit. Not for nothing, though, they are pretty tasty and are, evidently, kind of good for you.

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5. THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH

Can you find the three hidden sandwiches in this picture?

Began by the fast food franchises to allow the general consumer to inhale his or her breakfast while driving to work via the knees while at the same time balancing a coffee, a phone, and a laptop. More or less combing one or more of the following: biscuits, English muffins, griddle cakes, sourdough, eggs, bacon, sausage, cheese, and ham, conveniently encapsulated in a wax-coated wrapper generally the temperature of fresh lava. Even so, nothing says heart burn and bloating like slurping down a few of these guys while attempting to make a deadline. Now that's healthy.

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4) HOTCAKES (OR: PANCAKES, GRIDDLE CAKES, JOHNNY CAKES, FLAPJACKS...)

"Thanks, mom! At this rate I'll have a stroke before I'm twelve!"

Ah, pancakes! Few breakfast goodies are easier or equally as difficult not to fuck up. Oh sure, the directions are right there on the damn box and, for the most part, an ape on heroine could whip up a batch, bur somewhere along the line, somehow, someone always turns them into burnt, over-cooked-yet-raw-in-the-middle messes... and that man is me. Well, regardless, if you can't do 'em right, you can always head on down to IHOP or any other worth-its-salt breakfast joint and get 'em like there supposed to be made: stacked in multiples of fifteen and smothered with an entire tree's worth of syrup. Oh yeah.

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3. WAFFLES

The bastard cousin of the flapjack is the waffle. Made with a mix that is slightly similar, yet different, a cooked in such a way that you need a special uni-tasker just to do them right. Yes, I'm an Alton Brown fan. Cram it. Anyway, few things smell as delicious or taste as magnificent right off the heating element as waffles. How do I like mine, you ask? Well, the size of a man hole cover and topped nicely with fried chicken and syrup. Oh yeah, I so should have been a Southerner.

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2) OATMEAL

Bow your heads to the disembodied melon of your doom, WILFRED BRIMLEY! AHHHH!

What can I say: I love oatmeal. Oh no, not plain, that shit is wrong. No, I mean with flaxseed, brown sugar, vanilla, and butter. Trust me, you try this method and you'll never look at lowly oatmeal the same way again. And it's good for your ass! Also, go out and get you some of those oatmeal squares that Quaker puts out that are like an entire serving in a convenient bar. The banana bread is just ridiculous.

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1) POP-TARTS

Perhaps the quintessential breakfast speed-food is, of course, the Pop-Tart. You can buy this toaster pastry in nearly every conceivable flavor from blueberry to mint chocolate chip, each with a more bizarre and potentially flammable frosting. Seriously, never before has there been a more dangerous and ignitable breakfast food on the market. Always have a fire extinguisher at hand when you plop down a couple of these liabilities and then, sit back and enjoy. Also very good frozen. I likes 'em like that!