Of Candy and Costumes...

I've talked a little about Halloween in a past rant, but, since it's basically a month away, I think I might just go over a few costume ideas and the pro's and con's of each one. Now, as Holidays go (regardless of the fact that, as holidays go, Halloween isn't one of them) I love Halloween. I love taking the boys out -Addy still isn't quite ready to do all that walking and, being not annoying- and filling their Grandma-provided sacks with as much sugary loot as we can get our collective paws on. Generally, on her street, it takes literally one trip down and back on either side to over-stuff their booty-bags (Yes, Booty-Bags is a great name for a band) largely due to the fact that the elderly that populate her street just concede to forking out large-sized candy items. That is to say, the standard candy-aisle fodder, not those 'Mini' or 'Fun-Sized' pieces of nonsense. So, as we have for a few years now, we're heading down to my Grandparent's house to beg for food. And that is a good thing. Okay, so, costumes. I have come up with ten outfits that my children have, at one time or another, opted to dress up with. Most have come and gone like useful Government assistance, but a few remained, stubbornly as we tried to talk them into things more, well, appealing to me. 10) At one time Charlie announced to us that he'd like to be a girl. Now I'm not one to judge, be it life-style choice or just a costume since I did, one year, put on a dress and make-up. Those were my best high school pictures ever. Seriously, for Halloween I was a Zombie Woman. Not too shabby, either... well, it was shabby but because... never mind. I told Charlie he'd have to wear lip stick and that idea was shot down like a friend of Dick Cheney. 9) Simon enjoys Little People quite a bit. If you've never been introduced, they are Fischer Price's miniature folk who inhabit an entire city and drive around on any number of appropriate machinery and vehicles. Well, they have a series of movies featuring a theme song my Aaron Neville... yes, seriously. Well, the People are tiny and done up stop-motion style and look as though someone had lopped them off at the knees. Well, I told Simon that likely no one makes a costume featuring nothing from knee to foot and he'd have to either have his legs colored black or walk around like Dorf. He forgot what he wanted pretty quickly. 8) Charlie loves Pirates Of The Caribbean and its penultimate ne'er-do-well anti-hero, Jack Sparrow. But, much like anything else popular, the streets are bound to be saturated with Johnny Depp swashbucklers and maybe he'd like to go as, say, Hunter S. Thompson. Charlie thought that was a funny name and kept eating. 7) Simon will pretty much be whatever Charlie's flavor of the minute is, as well. So, upon the discovery of the cool new TMNT cartoon on Saturday mornings, they both decided to be Ninja Turtles. Now full, complete, Leonardo and Raphael costumes can be, well, plastic and suffocating and really, really stupid. My choice on this one. 6) Charlie likes the idea of aliens and space monsters. I showed him a picture of the H.R. Geiger-influenced alien from the fantastic movie series. He loved it and asked if he could dress-up like it. I then told him about Hollywood, make-up artists, and thousands of dollars for a well-made movie replica. Oh and that they had acid for blood and laid eggs. He hesitated, and moved on. 5) Simon likes Diego quite a bit, too. Diego is an animal rescuer on tv, animated, and done in the same vein as Dora the Explorer... that is to say, half-assed Spanish. My only real concern with this one is that Diego tends to swing from zip-lines and cruise in on hang gliders and I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not that cool of dad to be setting that shit up. 4) Charlie would be super happy just to be Spider-Man and just be done with it. But, same as Captain Sparrow, the market's just way overfilled with this fellow. Besides, did you see that piece of crap third movie this past summer? No way I'm gonna be embarrassed by my son wearing that crap. 3) Simon likes that big purple douche bag, Barney, too. Now don't get me wrong, I have been forced at verbal gun point to watch this Tyrannosaurus Mess and a few of his songs have lodged in my brain like shards of glass. And that, friends, is reason enough why I shot this idea to the curb but quick. 2) Both have told me that they'd like to be ghosts. I tried this when I was a kid, too. Who hasn't, right? I mean take an old sheet, cut some strategic holes in it, drape it over your head, and, viola, instant shitty costume. All I remember is tripping over the stupid linen shroud every five feet and nearly snapping my neck. And all that does is hold the works up. Nope. 1) Now it's ninjas. Not reptile martial artists, but just plain-old ninjas. I think I'm okay with this because, well, all the parts can be purchased at our local Dollar Store. Look, I don't mean to sound cheap and stupid, but I can guarantee that some part or parts of said get-up are going to get ripped or broken at some point in the night. Last year, for example, I bought a fifteen-dollar Light Saber for Charlie that lit up and acted as not only additional costume awsomeness, but also a flashlight! First house, Charlie whipped it at the road and smashed it. No sir, no more pricey Halloween garb for this guy. I'll get three Dollar Store swords for way cheaper and he can break two and still have one left to fend off candy thieves. Sounds good to me. So, the decision is still up in the air, but I can tell you one thing: I'm going my third year as a Hockey fan in my Red Wings Jersee. I could care less at this point since I get to eat... I mean collect, Addison's candy. Right, collect. I'm excited already. Stew