Merry Christmas! Right?

SLEIGH BELLS RING, ARE YOU LISTENING, IN THE LANE SNOW IS GLIS... what? What do you mean it's a bit too early for Christmas Carols? I offer up for evidence the local shops and stores as proof that I am not completely insane! No, seriously, take a good look, I'll wait. SEE!! And this crap's been up since HALLOWEEN, too! I swear, if we keep on the same path we've been traveling down, this commercial outbreak is going to really kick into gear at about Labor Day! We've just barely turned the kids costumes into broken relics of a distant week ago; lost among their bedroom, tucked away in darkened corners only to beckon for use... but I digress. I have no desire at this moment, November 6th for fuck sake, to even concern myself with the impending holiday. Yes, yes, certain people need lists for certain things... this I can understand, but it isn't like stores don't stock up on toys during the other 9 1/2 months of the year! I'm getting a little pissed about being forced to choke down the looming holiday season when, for all intents and purposes, Fall just barely began! I mean come on! Look at the weather at the very least! It was sixty degrees out there not a week and a half ago and it's looking like it going to give us a repeat performance this coming weekend. How on earth do those proprietary establishments ever expect us to get into any kind of winter holiday mood when I can still comfortably wear shorts! Screw the lot of you! And you want to know what else? Shut up, you do to! There's this local radio station called Star one-oh-something-or-other that starts continuously vomiting Christmas music I believe on November first. Give me a fucking break! Look, I love the sounds of the Good Will Holidays just as much, if not more, than anybody, but not when I'm still fattening myself sick from the fistfuls of Baby Ruths I'm still chucking down my bottomless gullet. I just get a little knot in my gob each time I head into the grocery store to stock up on liquor and sedatives and I'm inundated by green, red, and white splashes of torturous merriment like a barrage of mortar fire! Nothing screams "Let's spend the next two months preparing for the most commercial holiday ever to come down the pike and we'll all completely forget the true meaning of the day itself!" And as we all know, that meaning is Santa Claus's birthday... right? Stew- MAN-" Isn't it still August? Why the hell are we doing this?" WOMAN-"Drop dead. Oh, and Merry Christmas!"