The Top Ten Sappiest Christmas Songs

Christmas is inundated with more songs than you could conceivably listen to in a 24-hour period, and most of them are really catchy and well done. Some... oh sweet Mother, some... are just about as sappy and sickening as you can possibly get. Here are the ten such songs I have heard. And, as it goes, they will be stuck in m head for life.

10. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

In 1944 Judy Garland made this unfortunately sob-worthy song famous in the film Meet Me In St. Louis, and it has been re-recorded hundreds of times since. The lyrics made far more sense when taken in the context of the movie scene in which they were sung (moving to New York), but now, they just reek of sodden sentimentality.

9. I'll Be Home For Christmas Made disturbingly famous by the Christmas Crooner, Bing Crosby in 1943, I.B.H.F.C. is the sob story of a guy (or lady, depending on the lyricist) who, though far away on the Holiday, will, in fact, be 'home' for Christmas 'if only in my dreams'. Just enough sap in these words to douse a short-stack, if you know what I mean.

8. My Grown Up Christmas List David Foster wrote the music for this song, but Linda Thompson Jenner wrote the lyrics for it in 1990. Natalie Cole sang it originally for them on a recorded track for one of David Foster's albums, which was a non-holiday album called "River of Love". If you are not privy to this tunes gob-rising lyrics, it is more or less about a Christmas list asking for all of the impossible and highly improbably 'Earth-Shattering' items world-wide. It's pretty yucky.

7. Do The Know It's Christmas? In 1984, a song written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure to raise money for famine relief in Ethiopia was released to the unsuspecting Holiday public. Now the song itself has a nice backdrop to it: who is seriously going to beat on a song that raises money for starving people, right? Well, much akin to the We Are The World/USA For Africa deal, this tune features many of the heavy hitters of the music biz at the time. But, despite all of that, just wait until you live the lyric, 'Just thank God it's them instead of you', over and over again. Not cool.

6. Someday At Christmas Stevie Wonder wrote and performed this mess of a song in 1967 featuring some of the most trite and idiotic lyrics of all time. Here's a sample of one of the verses: Someday at Christmas there'll be no wars When we have learned what Christmas is for When we have found what life's really worth There'll be peace on earth

Good Lord.

5. Where Are You Christmas? "Christmas, Why Can't I Find You," is a song written by James Horner for the movie How The Grinch Stole Christmas in the year 2000. It was first performed by Taylor Momsen, who played Cindy Lou Who in the movie. Not, seemingly, having been bad enough, Faith Hill re-recorded it next and changed the title to what you see above. Yet, it still sucks.

4. Last Christmas Remember Wham! ? Yeah, I knew you did. George Michael and Andrew Ridgely. A power duo to say the least, right? Yeah. Anyway, in 1984 they released this colossal piece of shit. Enjoy!

3. Believe All in all, I really enjoyed the movie The Polar Express. It had that creepy Roto-Scoping thing where animation was literally placed over live action to make everything uber-three-dimensional and scary-eyed. The book is better. Anyway, singing sensation Josh Groban recorded this little ditty for the film and continues to piss me off to this day.

2. Santa's Beard In 1964 The Beach Boys released a Christmas album (natch) and this song was one of many of the ridiculous tunes. In this festive little hum-along, the Boys discover that a costumed lad is not really Santa when they pull off his beard to reveal a very un-Claus-ian fellow. Such a sappy, crappy song, it almost stings.

1. Christmas Shoes Absolutely, without a doubt THE sappiest Christmas song on the face of the Earth! Basically, a boy has no money to buy his dying mother a nice pair of kicks for Christmas so when she does finally give in to whatever is killing her, she'll face Jesus with fine footwear. So the guy who's listening to this gut-wrenching nonsense offers to pay the bill for the shoes. I feel sticky and suddenly shocked with over-indulgent sweetness just writing about this sugary orgasm. Originally an Internet-forwarded legend, it was forwarded to a member of the Christian vocal group NewSong in 1996. They worked on the song for four years and eventually released it as a bonus track in 2000; it reached #31 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart that year. I have to vomit now.