More Goofy and Ghastly Ads From the Past

Thanks in part to the success of the first installment of the creepy old ads of yesteryear, I thought why not milk a few more comments out of a few additional old adverts! Now these were gathered from all over the web from one source or another and, as far as I know, they are all public domain. However, that being said, if anyone out there lays claim to any one of these and takes particular offense to its posting herein, CRAM IT! No, I'm kidding. Just drop me a line and I will be more than happy to have you committed... I mean 'it' removed. Yes, that's what I mean. Anyway, enjoy a few more of these old commercial one-sheets and share a good laugh!

10. PEARS' SOAP AND THE KID

I struggle to understand who would have found this ad even the least bit humorous! Put down the damn paintbrush and HELP THAT FUCKING KID! Sweet Martha Stewart, I just hope that suspicious shape next to the boy's head is a sponge and not the exploded brain form a second kid's skull. *Shudder*

9. THE KLUGE

Take a long look at that thing and marvel at its modernity! It has knobs, dials, switches, cranks, buttons, plugs, and every kind of other 'electronic' gizmo you can shake a stick at! And look! Is that a map back there? Wow, you could really get a whole lot of work done doing... whatever it is this thing does with one of those! WOW!

8. EMU FIORD (Huh?) You'd be hard pressed to find another pair of more sadistic looking bitches diabolically roasting a half-dozen wieners. And hey, if you do happen to run across another equally maniacal duo grilling away their obvious anger toward the opposite, yet inferior, sex... run the fuck away!

7. CELLOPHANE or, possibly, BREAD

Despite what this add is apparently attempting -however poorly- to sell; be it bread, cellophane, jam, or the goddamn knife, it's most evident to me that that psychopathic little she-demon is mere seconds away from gnashing a fucking chunk out of that hand. Holy shit!

6. SEA MONKEYS Ah, fond and whimsical are the memories of my bright-blue 'aquarium' with the microscopic brine shrimp gaily flitting about. Such wonderful times I shared with my tiny undersea kingdom of brainless crustaceans milling about existing, temporarily, to make me smile. Bah, what a bunch of shit.

5. SELLING GRIT

Wait, FREE prizes and UP TO 6 whole Dollars a WEEK... CASH! Sign me up, brother!

4. OLD MAN THORAZINE

If this ad is even remotely real, I'll eat my pants. But you know what, I don't care. Seeing an old man lurching at me with a raised and threatening cane is just so worth the price of admission. Giving Thorazine to old folks is the answer to all of life's little nagging issues, isn't though?

3. HAM, GINA

Mom: "Look out, dear! She's got that wild, glazed look in her eye's again!"

Dad: "Hee hee... 'glazed'..."

Mom: "Oh, dear, you dipshit!"

2. Mmm... I WANNA SLICE!

I do not Parlez Vous Francais, and I don't care... this poster could be telling my to get an oil change on my houseboat and it wouldn't change the fact that there's a FUCKING PIG GORING A FUCKING SLICE OF HIMSELF! I will never -as I'm gnawing on it like a starved wolverine- look at pork the same way again.

1. FLAKES

Infectious Dandruff? Seriously? I had no idea DRY SCALP was catchy and, apparently, the next big pandemic! Man, I'd better get on top of some Selson Blue pretty fucking quick!