THE TOP 10 COOLEST BILLBOARDS PART II

Wow! You kids really dug the last billboard list! So cool and also a testament to my continued complacency, at least for now. So, I went through a few of your comments on Shoutwire, and at least three of you mentioned that I sort of copped out on the commentary, so, I'll certainly satiate your demands and fix that. So, here goes with the funny!

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10) I'LL TAKE THAT...

A lovely ad for Heineken Beer featuring some disembodied specter reaching from the nether-world for a nice cold one. I love how the fingers look exactly how they would if one was to press a hand through a sheet of green fabric in order to grasp a significantly smaller bottle. Yeah, the damn size ratio is way off here, and that pisses me off a little. Other than that, very cool.

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9) WAIT... WHAT?

Boy, those shishkebobs look so damn tasty, I wish I could just... what? Oh, man, that's just not right! What is the Bursa Kebab company trying to say here? That my date is somehow poke-worthy? Wait a second... maybe that's what they mean!

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8) "SPECIAL DELIVERY FOR A MR. H. CHRIST?"

The obvious point here is that FedEx will deliver anywhere, even skyward to Glory. I have to hand it to whomever designed this billboard since it forced the installation company to erect perhaps the tallest ladder ever made. You know, if they made a ladder this tall, one could assume they could make one long enough to reach space. Not such a silly idea now, is it?

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7) NICE BALLS

I'm sorry, I hate soccer. I'm just so done with the goddamn Beckham and his Popsicle-stick wife occupying so much time here in our country either trying to out-chic everyone else or else being perpetually injured and completely irritating. Soccer is dull, boring, annoying, low-scoring, and has no place in a country that already has hockey. (Just kidding! I love hockey.)

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6) YOU ARE HERE

This is the second DHL ad I've found and i have to say it's just a clever as the one from my previous list with the tiny hands at the bottom. This one is apparently illustrating the fact that the delivery people will bring you your package regardless of where you are, even if it's in a labyrinth. Package for Hoggle right on time.

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5) OH! I NEED THAT PIECE!

What this Lego ad is not telling you is that there is a little kid behind the controls of the crane and he's just about to put the finishing brick in the world's biggest multi-colored castle. The tower features twelve doors all right next to each other, sixteen trees in the bedroom, a guy with three heads and a hat, and nine wheels all on the right side. Now that sounds like fun.

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4) AND GET THE REST OF THAT BLOUSE OFF!

This billboard is from Liberia and obviously features the opposite of what the wording suggests. Apparently the wife-beating issue over there is pretty damn bad to require a sizable out-door sign decrying the act. Also, it seems Liberian adverts allow boobies... cuz, ya know, boobies! Oh, and shame on you! There's a message there, sick-o!

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3) "UM, YEAH... DO YOU GUYS FIX TRUCKS?"

Never has there been a more effective ad campaign featuring a nose-down truck balancing precariously as to suggest at any minute it might topple over, thereby ruining the entire idea. This is just amazing. I have no idea how they did this; presumably there's a rod running through the center to keep it upright (I said 'rod' and 'upright') and it most certainly gets the point across magnificently.

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2) A GHOST IN THE SELL

I have no clue as to the product or company behind this billboard, but it is certainly eye-catching and scary as shit. Imagine, if you will, cruising down a lonely back road in some state in the middle of nowhere relying on only your headlights and that Garmin box on your dash, when this billboard appears from behind a tree. I, sir, would shit an entire plum.

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1) IF ONLY

Nazi/Jewish prison camps are most definitely nothing to laugh at... normally. But come one! This sign is hilarious! I despise Oprah almist as much as soccer (see above) and the thought of this possibly sort of being true, in a round about way, makes me grin. And now I'm going to Hell.