The Top Twelve Fake Beverages

Why drink something real and tasteless when you can imagine drinking something delicious, or, at the very least, funny! That's right, imaginary beverages are all over the place: in movies, on TV... and you, too, can partake in their appeal! So sit back and crack open a cool can of Duff and enjoy a dozen fake drinks to wet your whistle!

12. Vitameatavegamin ( I Love Lucy)

Oh, Lucy! Little did you know that the peppy happy beverage in a bottle would, ultimately, taste pretty much the way it sounds. As you can see by the face she's straining not to make above, it took far too many takes to even get the tasting right. Hilarious scene from a classic comedy. Nasty, nasty beverage.

11. Brawndo (Idiocracy)

Army Librarian, Joe Bauer's future looks quite bleak after a 500-year hibernation experiment. Joe learns that water has been replaced by Brawndo, "The thirst mutilator!" (a reference to Rondo, which had the slogan, "The Thirst Crusher!"), a sports drink advertised as rich in electrolytes, even useful for crop irrigation, eventually causing a major food shortage (the salty electrolytes in the Brawndo have accumulated in the soil killing the crops). And a big PS and thanks from alert reader orehitna (see comments), you are now able to actually purchase this product from RIGHT HERE! Kinda scary!

10. Skittlebrau (The Simpsons)

Big Ups To These Guys For The Sweet Pic!

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?

Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.

Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

9. Schmitt's Gay (SNL)

I think we'll just let this video from Saturday Night Live featuring Adam Sandler and Chris Farley speak for itself.

8. Butterbeer (Harry Potter)

This appears to be the beverage of choice in the Harry Potter novels. It's served everywhere from the Weasley's house (all the time) to Hogwarts (also all the time) and there is a slew of recipes all over the net on exactly how to concoct it since Rowling never really spills the plans. I had it once, at Barne's and Noble Bookstore while waiting for a copy of one of the books. The used Rootbeer with Butterscotch syrup. I almost threw up.

7. Duff Beer (The Simpsons)

There is so little reason to explain what Duff is that, if I actually had to, I would feel sorry... well, sorrier, for society as a whole.

6. Cold Cock (SNL)

"It's the one you never see comin'!" The commercial on SNL features Tim Meadows as Billy D. Williams (or at least someone similar) speaking in a pub about Cold Cock Mal Liquor. The best part, of course, is when the giant animated fist pops off the can and decks a few folks in the chops. Good stuff.

5. Uncle Jemima's Mash Liquor (SNL)

Uncle Jemima Hockin' the Hooch

Take Tracy Morgan, twice, and deck him (and her) out in Jemima duds, toss in a few animated fauna much akin to Song of The South's Uncle Remus, and add a healthy dash of boozin' and you have yourself a fine ad indeed.

4. Slusho! (J.J. Abrams)

Slusho! is a fictional drink featured in the projects of producer J.J. Abrams, including his television shows, Alias and Lost and his film, Cloverfield, originally temporarily titled Slusho! It still remains to be seen whether or not it will make a cameo in his new Star Trek feature.

3. Flaming Moe (The Simpsons)

After Homer creates an alcohol recipe featuring a dash of his kid's cough syrup and sets it aflame, Moe decides he'd like a piece of the genius and steals the formula and markets it under the name, 'Flaming Moe'. It becomes a huge, albeit temporary, success at Moe's, even bringing in such acts as Aerosmith. The fad fades, though, once the whole of Springfield copies it for themselves.

2. Pawtucket Patriot (Family Guy)

Peter Griffin's favorite brew and, most likely, a play on Samuel Adams made at the Boston Brewing Company. Peter and Brian (sans Joe once he's removed after noticing the lack of a wheelchair ramp) take a wondrous tour of the Pawtucket Patriot Brewery.

1. Slurm (Futurama)

"It's Highly Addictive!" Not to mention the fact that Slurm is excreted from the ass-end of a giant slug called the Slurm Queen. Regardless of that horrid discovery, Fry is as hooked as ever. The gang take a tour of the plant much akin to Willy Wonka's factory (and, similarly, Pawtucket Brewery) and must battle their way free while saving, inadvertently, spokes-slug, Slurms MacKenzie. Good stuff... looks like Mountain Dew, no?

**NOTABLE OMISSION**

Thanks to another alert reader, sysop:vanblah (see comments) I failed to mention the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster from the wonderful tome: A Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams! I am naughty! Well, here's a piece of concept art I found for the thing. Enjoy!